Showing posts with label Australia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Australia. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

You're bullshitting me...

A Centrelink office at Innaloo, Western Australia.Image via Wikipedia

You're bullshitting me...


A Kiwi walks into the local unemployment office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I hate being on welfare, I'd really rather have a job."

The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.

The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The Kiwi says, "You're bullshitting me!"

The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it"

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Saturday, June 19, 2010

Watch your lip in Queensland...

Premier of Queensland Anna Bligh at Labour Day...Image via Wikipedia
Watch your lip in Queensland - Swearers face instant $124 fines in Australia:






Police will be given the power to issue $124 on-the-spot fines for swearing in public under controversial new legislation in Queensland, Australia.



Queensland Premier Anna Bligh said the new laws, which also give police new powers to issue on-the-spot fines for public urination and disorderly conduct, would increase efficiency and save time.



She said that keeping minor offenders out of the courts would save the state between $22 million and $37 million, the Courier Mail reports.



But the new legislation, which will be introduced to parliament later this year, has drawn criticism from researchers.



An evaluation conducted by a university said that the on-the-spot powers meant police would issue tickets in situations that would not be considered criminal before the courts.



The findings came from a review of data from a one-year trial of the reforms in other Australian cities.



Government bodies have also expressed concern that offensive language fines could be issued in cases where they are not warranted.



But Police Minister Neil Roberts told the newspaper that inappropriate behaviour in public was not acceptable and would not be tolerated.


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Acknowledgements: MSN Travel
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Sunday, April 18, 2010

1200 kg shark caught in Australia...

A hammerhead shark.Image via Wikipedia



1200kg shark caught in Australia...



A 1200kg hammerhead shark caught off the coast of Australia could become a tourist attraction in Queensland href="http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=-23.0,143.0&spn=1.0,1.0&q=-23.0,143.0 (Queensland)&t=h" rel=geolocation>Queensland.



Fisherman Claude Williamson caught the 5m monster last month but has since sold it to renowned Queensland shark hunter Vic Hislop, the Northern Star reported.



Mr Hislop runs a shark museum but would not say whether the monster would be on display.



"I haven’t decided yet what I’m going to do with it," he said.



"I'm going to keep it frozen for now."



With the size indicating the shark is around 40 years old, the beast ate a smaller shark hooked by the fishing boat, getting snared in the process.



Despite its massive size, Mr Hislop has claimed that he has seen hammerhead sharks even bigger.



The species is endangered worldwide.



Read here
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Friday, February 12, 2010

Australian and Canadian Police versus American police...


Australian and Canadian Police versus American Police:

How can you tell the difference between Canadian, Australian, and American Police?

Pose the following question:

“You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.”

What do you do?

CANADIAN POLICE CONSTABLES
Answer: (Immediate thought processes)

•Is the knife a ceremonial kirpan?
•Does he prefer to communicate in English or French?
•Will this negatively impact my chances of promotion?
•Is this just his way of telling me that he pays my wages, and wants my
job?
•Would this be an appropriate time to hug him and sing Koombaya?
•Will the media do a profile of him and how he was loved by everyone
including his dog?
•Is the alleged ‘client’ a member of the NDP or an Environmental Group?
•Is he just a squeegee kid / pan handler trying to make a living on the
mean streets?
•Is he a member of a gang that is just ‘misunderstood’ by society?
•Is he an undercover Toronto Star reporter looking for a news breaker?
•Is he a recent illegal immigrant to this country, and just doesn’t know
how to approach the police?
•Is he recently released on parole and hasn’t been properly integrated back
into the community?
•Is he a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome, and just doesn’t understand what
he is doing?
•Warn and Charter him as he approaches.
AUSTRALIAN POLICE CONSTABLES

Answer: BANG!

AMERICAN POLICE OFFICERS

Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! Click…. (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click Click Click

Acknowledgements: Australian blogs


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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Thumbs up to suspect countries beef - Australian Health Department......


The Australian Health Department has given a thumbs-up to eating beef from countries with mad cow disease, claiming Australians are 40 million times more likely to die in a car crash than from the brain-wasting disease.
A Senate inquiry is investigating the federal government's plan to lift a nine-year ban on importing beef from countries afflicted by the deadly bovine spongiform encephalopathy.

The Department of Health and Ageing has told the inquiry the risk of Australians contracting the human version of BSE, the variant Creutzfeldt-Jacob Disease, would be "very small, if not negligible" if Australia imported beef products from Britain, where 169 people have died after eating contaminated beef since the 1980s.

"The amount of BSE-infected material entering the human food chain in . . . the UK is now very small because of the decline in BSE, the removal of brain and other specified risk materials from carcasses, and the detection and destruction of infected animals," the department's submission states. "An estimate of the absolute risk to Australians from UK beef imports, if this was to be allowed, is found to be 40 million times less than the risk from road accidents."


John Mathews, an epidemiological scientist with 40 years' experience in the field who was commissioned by the Health Department to review the latest scientific findings on mad cow disease, has concluded that imports of beef products from BSE-affected countries would bring "a theoretical but negligible increase" in the risk of human cases.

"The absolute risk to the Australian population is likely to be negligible," Professor Mathews said.

But one of the senators carrying out the inquiry, Liberal Party farmer Bill Heffernan, yesterday accused the government of "going off half-cocked" with its plans to lift the beef import ban in March. He said Australia was one of the few countries in the world still free of mad-cow disease, and even a single case would damage its trading advantage.

"One of Australia's trade advantages in the global market is our clean, green and disease-free status," he said.


In my opinion this is a gamble, and a serious one at that. I don't think New Zealand would be prepared to take a gamble like that with such a dangerous disease. Very risky, Aussies. A mad risk, perhaps?

Acknowledgements: The Australian

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Robbie Deans should be Wallabies rugby coach by the end of the week...


A New Zealander, Robbie Deans should be Australian Wallabies rugby coach by the end of the week...

A New Zealander, Robbie Deans, from my home town of Christchurch in Canterbury, is now the favoured candidate to takeover as coach of the Australian Wallabies Rugby team, after being turned down by the NZRU.

Most American readers probably don't realise that a New Zealander coached the American Eagles Rugby team at the recent Rugby World Cup.

Rugby Union may not be that well known by North American readers, but it is more of a a world sport than American football which is primarily a North American sport like baseball. Only basketball can be considered a world sport.

So let me be the first to predict that Robbie Deans will be Wallabies coach by the end of the week; and with the losing New Zealand All Blacks coach, Graham Henry, inexplicably reappointed for another two years, will I have to change my allegiance to Australia to ensure I support a winning team?

Kiwi Riverman

Friday, December 7, 2007

This Skippy lived 25 million years ago - and galloped not hopped...


My Australian friends around the blogesphere will find this one difficult to accept:

If there had have been a Melbourne Cup 25 million years ago,a kangaroo may have lined up to gallop with them.A Skippy that galloped with the herd!

He would have been called a nambaroo (which meant "big muscly forearms")and showed he galloped or bounded like a possum.

It has been described as a discovery that skips conventional wisdom about one of Australia's greatest icons.

Scientists believe the 25 million year old remains dug up in Queensland in the 1990's, are from a newly discovered species called nambaroo gillespieae.

The nambaroo was part of an extinct kangaroo group known as the Balbariae, which scientists claim was replaced by the modern day kangaroo species.

The nambaroo was about the size of a small dog, had canine fangs, and was a quadruped, or four legged.

This was the great,great,great,great, grandfather of the modern kangaroo.

The remains were found in the renowned fossil fields of the Riversleigh world heritage area in North Queensland.

It was claimed the find would unlock the genesis of todays kangaroo.




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Monday, October 1, 2007

April 25 is ANZAC DAY in New Zealand and Australia...

April 25 is ANZAC DAY in Australia and New Zealand...


April 25 is Anzac Day in Australia and New Zealand. This is the day we honour and remember our fallen heroes from all wars, and especially recall how the legend of Anzac began on April 25 1915 when members of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps were dropped off on the beachs of Gallipoli on the Turkish coast as part of the British campaign to invade Turkey. The place is known as Anzac Cove today.

From the ships thousands of Australian and New Zealanders disembarked into the shallow waters under heavy gunfire, machine gun and rifle fire. Many were killed instantly,others made it to the beaches and were killed, others fought in the campaign during many months before being repatriated. Thousands were killed and wounded on both sides, Anzacs and Turks. Thousands were left behind to be buried in military cemetries. The campaign was a disaster; the Anzacs were landed on the wrong beach. The British High Command had failed dismally. The campaign involved British and other Empire troop, including Indians.

The Gallipoli campaign was to create not only the legend, but begin the journey of nationhood for Australians and New Zealanders, from British dominions to the self governing nations within the Commonwealth of today.

Today from Darwin to Perth to Brisbane to Melbourne and Sydney and the bush; from Auckland to Napier to New Plymouth to Wellington to Christchurch to Greymouth and to Invercargill,and scores of other towns and even at Gallipoli itself, will hold dawn parades to remember the fallen, and to retire later to RSL's and RSA's for a meal, a quiet drink and a chat with former comrades, friends and families and continue the spirit of Anzac which actually grows stronger with every passing year.

Lest we forget; we will remember them. The spirit and legend wll never die!

Sunday, August 5, 2007

There's a Bunyip down by the billabong mate...

There's a Bunyip down by the billabong mate - to believe or not to believe


I decided to do some more research for another blogsite and see what outcome may result in my quest to try and discover the 'real' Bunyip of Australia.

So where have I gone in my quest? Back to ancient Australia and return. It has been most interesting learning a little about something I'd hardly heard of before. Bunyip was just a name that sprang up out of the ground when I was tossing names around of other legendary strange creatures of foreign folklore - the Yeti or Abominable Snowman from the Himalayas, a 'man bear', a large hairy apelike biped; and the Bigfoot or Sasquatch of North America, known by the Lakota Indians as "Chiye" (Big Elder brother) - a large hairy bipedal hominoid.

And what of the Australian Bunyips? I believe there have been two Bunyips, the ancient and the more modern version. So lets elaborate a little: The Bunyip is an Australian legendary monster that exists in aboriginal stories and art as well as in more modern reports. Descriptions vary wildly - aboriginals described it as having tusks,flippers and a tail like a horse. The aboriginal Bunyip lived in or around water such as creeks and pools in dried up riverbeds - known in Australia as billabongs.

It is supposed to come out at night to prey on animals, women and children. It is also supposed to give out a bellowing cry if approached - this kept the aboriginals away.

More recent accounts vary widely in descriptions, ranging from hairy, feathered, furry, having a longtail,long neck, a horse head, a bird's head etc.

Bunyips are common in Australian childrens stories, much like the Maori legends over here in New Zealand. There were for some reasons many sightings during the depression years of the 1930's.

There are three main theories:

One is the Diprotodon, an ice-age hippo sized marsupial that co-existed with early aboriginals, before coming extinct 40,000-50,000 years ago.

Another theory is that they were seals that made their way inland and become isolated, or were crocodiles.

The third is that there were many tramps who took to the roads of rural Australia, or the "bush" during the depession days of the 1930's, and many lived near bodies of water and perpetuated the myth of the legendary Bunyip.

A little historical description to finish up with:

According to Australian legend this hairy monster would hide in water holes, come out at night and terrify aboriginals. Descriptions vary, but it is generally described as having a hairy body, a horselike head and a ferocious roar. Some scientists believe the Bunyip might be a cultural memory of a marsupial called a diprotodon that inhabited Australia about 50,000 years ago, but because bones of butchered animals were unearthd at human settlements Bunyips, also known as yaa-loo and wowee-wowee, it suggests they and humans co-existed for many thousands of years.

No, there is nothing definative about this little piece of research, but what does the man from the Huttriver think? While Aussies just regard the Bunyips as fairy stories,fables and legends, there is always a touch of reality in most legends somewhere. Robin Hood was most likely based on a number of local characters, probably named Robert. King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table - that's a beauty of a legend. Once again probably based on a number of characters who defended the realm against invading Saxons; who would, ironically, become established as "Englishmen" who later defended England against invading Normans, descendants of earlier Vikings. History, is fantastic!

As for the Bunyip? I'm not an Australian, but we in New Zealand have a lot of old Maori legends which have become part of our children's stories. I would put a 'couple of bob' on the Diprotodon as being the basis of ancient Aboriginal legends about a hairy monster that jumped out of billabongs, frightening animals,women and children - the ancients of many lands and civilizations have a variety of monsters, demons, devils and plain ornery old characters that Mum wouldn't invite to dinner!

The modern Bunyip? Just a fairy story, built on the old legend. Still there are places all round this planet where it is just not safe to venture after dark! Catch you later, and don't go out after dusk my blogospheric friends!


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